Thar she blows!!!!!

Not like that you perverts!

I haven't thrown up since I was 5 years old but the past couple of days I've come as close as ever. I have to take a whole pill in the morning and one at night. Taking 2 full Chantix pills a day is making my tummy very unhappy so I have decided to cut all the pills in half and take 1/2 four times a day and see if my system handles it better. Yesterday was spent on the living room floor, moaning and trying different ways of laying to ease the discomfort. Right now I feel like I've been on an all night drinking binge. It's rolling waves of "OMG I don't feel so good."

The last time I took these meds I stopped because of the nausea and didn't think to split them up so it wasn't a big dump on my stomach all at once.

Still have 0 urge to smoke even after getting very pissed off the other day. Before when "someone" ticked me off I would start smoking again as a passive aggressive "FUCK YOU." Not this time. Not anymore.

10 days. 402 cigarettes not smoked. $80.40 saved.

Forgot about this blog. LOL

Tonight at 10:39 marks the 7th day I have been SMober. 1 full week!

Chantix still makes me sleepy and a little queasy if I forget to eat around the time I take it. No other side effects have happened including the weird dreams. Maybe my normal dreams are weird enough that I can't tell a difference.

Had a slight hissy fit today but I think I can safely say it was justified and not a random mood swing attack.

I can imagine myself smoking or see someone smoking and I feel NOTHING. Not a craving, not a twinge.
I'm very "MEH *shrug*" about it all.

I am eating more but I have to in order to not become queasy after I take my meds. I'm going to sleep a lot earlier and sleeping better than I have in years. All I want to do is sleep but I refuse to nap during the day.

So far so good.

Weeeeeeeeell.......

I have done myself a disservice. I started with the 21mg patch. The box said if you smoke 10+ cigs a day that's the one you should have. Problem is I wasn't even getting 21mg of nicotine a day at my heaviest smoking point. 

You see different brands have different levels of nicotine in the cigarette. Kings, Lights, Menthol also play a factor in how many mgs you get out of each cig.

Long story short, I was more jittery, irritable, and clock watching on the patch and it just didn't make sense til I did some research and found out I was pumping way more nicotine into my body than I needed. It got to the point that I set the timer back to 1:30 where I was comfortable.

I stopped the patch on Saturday and it's been a lot smoother. The timer is back at 1:40 and tomorrow it'll go up to 2 hours. Now I hardly look at the timer before it goes off. I'm no longer jittery or agitated.

I did miss my quit date, but I'm still truckin' along. Jase and I talked it over and decided it was really for the best. Slow, steady, permanent. That's the real goal. I'm not even setting a new quit date. I am fairly certain I will just not buy anymore when my pack runs out.

I was reading a quit guide today and this part had me saying "EXACTLY"!

If you find a program that allows you to keep smoking while you are learning how to quit, you will have more of a chance of quitting calmly, comfortably and permanently. You need to be ready and prepared before you actually stop smoking so you don't feel like you lost your best friend or got hit by a freight train when you finally do stop smoking.

This is the info I found on nicotine dosages.
You may be on too high of a mg. dosage of nicotine patch. Contrary to what the patch manufacturers or doctors tell you, you need to look up the nicotine level of the cigarettes that you were smoking to know what level of patch you need to be on.

Nicotine makes your heart-rate beat 10,000 more beats a day and stresses out the heart.
There are 3 strengths of nicotine patches
21 mg
14 mg
7 mg

The patch manufacturers and doctors will ask how many packs do you smoke a day and then if you smoke a pack a day they will put you on the 21 mg patch.

They say if you smoke 1/2 pack a day they will put you on the 14 mg patch.

Many times people can't even sleep because the nicotine level is way too high.

To make sure that you are getting the right amount of nicotine if you are going to use a patch, look at a nicotine chart.

It depends on the nicotine level, not on how "many" they smoke.

Now I am going to list the symptoms I've been experiencing thus far.

Gas or flatulence- who knew?! I was full of hot air after all!

Constipation - This may last for several weeks. Cigarettes used to act like a diuretic and also like a laxative. Holy crap! Actually, not to crap! This one is the worst!

Swelling/Bloating/Tight Waistbands - This is due to fluid retention. Drink a lot of water and cut down on sodium. People tend to gain 3 to 7 pounds of temporary water weight when they quit smoking cold turkey. I am HUGE! Can someone send those waistband extenders?

Sinus Congestion - This is caused by a clearing out of the sinuses. It is almost as if (for a short period of time) someone turns on a little water hose in your head. This symptom may last up to 2 months. Fun!!!!

Cough, Throat Clearing

Hoarseness - This is also due to the fact that smokers are not "smoking" the soft tissues in the throat and the new non-smoker is getting some tender "baby" tissue almost like when a baby is teething. Basically, the tissue in the throat is regenerating. This may last several months.

Vivid Dreams- Again, fun!

FATIGUE, SLEEPINESS, DROWSINESS, AND DON'T GIVE A RIP! When you are not getting that punch of nicotine, you get tired, sleepy and lethargic.

And we're off!

My timer is now at 1 hour 40 minutes and the hacking, nose dripping, crud is upon me. Weeeeeeeee! I can't tell how many cigs I am at per day because my awake time per day varies. I know it's half a pack or less.

I can tell you I've only had 1 coke in a week. That coke tore my stomach up so I don't plan on drinking anymore for quite some time. The horrid nightly heartburn that would back up into my ears is gone as is the constant IBS type symptoms. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Anatomy of a Quitter.

 

I'm such a badass.

Assorted Suckers. 

Dum Dums, Blow Pops, Tootsie Pops, Heart Shaped Suckers.

Countdown Timer

Rearing it's ugly head.

Bitchiness.

I've upped the timer and Super Bitch has made herself known. This is not a drill! This is the real thing, people! She has the uncanny ability to blow shit up and bite the heads off of mere mortals.

Super Bitch, Super Bitch! She's Super Bitchy!!!!

 I think I have finally started to lower the nicotine in my body because it's freaking the fuck out. With the patch on the nicotine lvl was staying pretty lvl but now that my smoking has greatly decreased it's figured out what I am trying to do. IT AIN'T HAPPY.

This is the part I dread. I pride myself on being a super nice person but not now. What scares me is that this is the way I might actually behave the rest of my life.
If it is I'd rather live life as a nice, loving, smoker than die a mean old bitch.

This is so not me.

Now that she has shown up I am rethinking my quit date. I want to take this slow and easy and not risk going too fast. I feel if I go too fast the fear of Super Bitch will send me back to the pack like it did before.  If I feel I am ready on Feb. 14th then I will quit and not look back. If I am not ready I will set another date and keep working towards that goal.

I will not feel guilty for it. I will not allow The Voice to use it against me. I will do this in the most comfortable way possible so I can ensure success.

Jase is even offering to take me to the doctor to see if I can get something to steady my nerves and mellow my mood. Maybe I will try Chantix  again since I've weaned myself so far down.

I'm down to half a pack of cigs (10 cigs) and half of a soda a day.

What's the point of drinking water if you just pee 5 mins later?

Proof he is still alive.

Comment on my last post. I promise I did not force him to say this against his will.

 ceer78 said...

Just for the record, it's been going pretty damn well so far!

January 28, 2010 8:10 AM

I'm up to 4-5 bottles of water and down to 1 soda/day. So far no migraines which is really weird. Still at 13-15 cigs a day. Skin is clearing up but chest is tighter as it gets ready to purge the crap out of my lungs. Mmmmmm!

It wasn't my goal to quit soda at the same time I quit smoking. I'm just finding that I don't really need to drink it like I used to, guess I was always trying to wash down all the tar sitting on my tongue. Yeah, gross.

Oh Lawd.

This is going to be the week from hell. It's "that time" and all hell might break loose! Someone just put me in a coma til it's over. KThnxBai!

Send chocolate for me and shields for the rest of them.

I'm not a lunatic...

I just play one in my head.

"The Voice" is back. The one that comes around every time I try to quit smoking. The Voice comes and then the mood swings begin a few days later. TV is so negative and mean. It's like an abusive spouse in your head all the time.

The Voice: (15 minutes left on the timer.) Close enough! Go ahead have another cig you've been good you deserve it.

Me: Go away.

TV: Come on, Heather. It's ok no one's looking... no one will know.

Me: I SAID FUCK OFF! Leave me alone!!!

TV: You'll never be rid of me. I OWN YOU! You can't do this. You're nothing without me.

Me: Watch me, asshole!

So far I am winning this war and I am soooo happy about that.

I am putting it here for all to see so when "TV" comes back I can tell it that everyone knows about it and it can't trick me. It's exposed and it can't try and bully me anymore. I tell Jase now when it happens so he can keep an eye on me. I'd never talked to him about stuff like this during my past attempts so hopefully full disclosure will help. I just don't want him to think I am nuts or not trying hard enough. TV coming around is actually proof I am doing it. I am trying and succeeding!

Too bad TV isn't an ex-husband. You can't get a restraining order on a figment of my imagination.

I'm going to keep the timer where it is for now. I was going to up it another 10-15 minutes but I'm not going to risk pushing so hard that I set myself up for failure. I've cut the smoking in half the first week so with 20 days left til VDay I think I am on track.

I'm a Barbie Girl...

Life in plastic.... it's fantastic!
Not!

Little known fact about me: I cannot sweat. Zilch. Zero. Nada.

Why is this a problem? I mean people are now getting Botox shoved into their pits for the pleasure of being like me.

When you cut back or quit smoking your body tries to purge itself of all the toxins floating around your system. ( I've cut my smoking in HALF this past week) The main outlet is through sweat which, as we've established, I don't do.

I get to wake up some mornings and feel like I am wrapped in plastic. A living Barbie doll. If only I would wake up LOOKING like one.
All the bad stuff sits just beneath the top of my skin in a heavy, choking layer.

My skin feels like it's suffocating like when I try to use liquid makeup or thick lotions. I'm ashamed to admit that when I woke up this morning I almost had a panic attack and dove into the tub to scrub my body down so I could "breathe". I BOIL myself in my bathtub.

Impossible you say?

Side Story Alert! (My friend, Nate, had to use my bathroom as I was getting ready to take a bath. Water was done running so I shut it off and let him in. Jase had told him about my baths so I dared him to stick his foot in and time how long he could keep it there. Foot goes in and comes out in less than 3 seconds. His poor foot was beet red. He left the room and I got in washed my hair and stuff and got out. I was in there little over 20 minutes or so. Long story short the next day he came over and showed me that all the blisters on that one foot had burnt off. Poor guy, he works on his feet all day so his feet needed to be rough and having baby soft feet hurt for a week.)

I cannot blame it on quitting alone. I wake up like this at least 3 times a month. Right now it's like a mad exodus of yuck trying to escape my body at once and it's freaking me out.
I am cutting back on soda now and switching to flavored water in hopes that I can flush that crap out a different way than through my nonexistent pores.

Too bad water makes me nauseous. My belly sloshing around. Gross.

Thank You, CruzMissile  for your comment!!!! I'm using the patch and I have the gum for when I get to the point that the patch isn't helping as much. A little backup insurance. You don't know how much it means to me to hear someone else break it down. You and Kristin are the best!