Nicotine Addicts Anonymous

NAA was recommended by my quit coach along with some other resources. It's exactly like the Alcoholic version so I will not be participating with that group.

Here are my fears about quitting. I want them out there and out of my head.

1. Stark Raving Bitchiness- What if cigarettes were keeping me calm and that I really am a raving lunatic. I fear quitting might make me unbearable to live with. This fear comes from a past quit attempt in which Jase told me to get in the car with him and he went in and got me a pack. I cried the whole time because I didn't want to give up but I think that quit time was the closest we'd ever been to breaking up. What if those crazy bits are ME and not the withdrawal?! I guess we will see!!!

2. Weight Gain- I have already gained a lot of weight in 2009 and I know I'm going to blow up like a balloon. Here's the trade off.. If I quit I could actually workout as my back allows.
Bad Back+Black Lungs= no workouts. Maybe if I take one of the baddies away I can actually do something about any weight gain.

3. Failure- I am scared to death of letting my family down and letting all of you down. You have taken time out of your lives to support me and I don't want that to be for nothing. I knew coming out and letting everyone know that I was going to quit would make me more accountable during this time. Failure is not an option!

Good things I'm looking forward to:

My kids will see me struggle through this and my hope is that they think about it if they are ever tempted to pick up a cigarette. I can look them in the eye and tell them not to smoke without feeling like a hypocrite and a fraud. They won't have to go to school smelling like an ashtray.

I can start having wild monkey sex again. Coughing and wheezing isn't sexah! I'll stop right there. My parents read this.

Food will taste better. I'll be able to smell things like never before.


If  When I do this I will feel like I can do ANYTHING! Maybe I will take online classes in Library Science. I'll sit along side Kyle as he does his work and I'll do my homework, too.

I really would like a hobby. Something to do with my hands. Sadly, I have 0 talent for knitting or anything fabric related. Anyone have any ideas?! Maybe some bead working or something. I'll take any and all ideas and try them and maybe even document my attempts.

Thanks for being here, my friends. I love you!