I've upped the timer and Super Bitch has made herself known. This is not a drill! This is the real thing, people! She has the uncanny ability to blow shit up and bite the heads off of mere mortals.
Super Bitch, Super Bitch! She's Super Bitchy!!!!
I think I have finally started to lower the nicotine in my body because it's freaking the fuck out. With the patch on the nicotine lvl was staying pretty lvl but now that my smoking has greatly decreased it's figured out what I am trying to do. IT AIN'T HAPPY.
This is the part I dread. I pride myself on being a super nice person but not now. What scares me is that this is the way I might actually behave the rest of my life.
If it is I'd rather live life as a nice, loving, smoker than die a mean old bitch.
This is so not me.
Now that she has shown up I am rethinking my quit date. I want to take this slow and easy and not risk going too fast. I feel if I go too fast the fear of Super Bitch will send me back to the pack like it did before. If I feel I am ready on Feb. 14th then I will quit and not look back. If I am not ready I will set another date and keep working towards that goal.
I will not feel guilty for it. I will not allow The Voice to use it against me. I will do this in the most comfortable way possible so I can ensure success.
Jase is even offering to take me to the doctor to see if I can get something to steady my nerves and mellow my mood. Maybe I will try Chantix again since I've weaned myself so far down.
I'm down to half a pack of cigs (10 cigs) and half of a soda a day.
What's the point of drinking water if you just pee 5 mins later?
2 comments:
For my part, I promise to let you yell at me as much as you need to (as if I had a choice ;-) and to not take it personally and yell back. I love you, sweetie, and we can do this together!!!!
You can do it chica...and you won't remain an uber-bitch for the rest of your life. Take it slow and easy but just keep working on it. You are doing a fabulous job!
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